Speaking the Language of Partnership

In some cultures, subordinates must use a different way of speaking when they address a "superior." For example, traditional Japanese women have had to address men that way. There is also body language. For instance in some African tribes, women have to kneel when addressing a male.

Most of the languages spoken today have elements that are our heritage from earlier more domination-oriented times. In the Latin-based languages, such as Spanish, French, Portuguese and Italian, the lanugage is so gendered that it is almost impossible to find a gender-neutral way of speaking. English is more malleable and what follows shows what each one of us can do start speaking the language of partnership.

The Challenge of Language: Teaching the Language of Partnership.

Adapted from the article by Lethea F. Erz, PhD.  It is taken from The Partnership Way: New Tools for Living and Learning, 2nd ed. by  Riane Eisler and David Loye.  

"Saying is believing." Language both shapes and reflects consciousness, revealing a culture's deepest beliefs and values. It's very hard to talk about concepts for which we have no vocabulary. And the words we do have determine how we think about the people, ideas, and phenomena those words describe. If we hope to create a truly new paradigm based on partnership thinking, it's vital that we be aware of the underlying messages in the very words and metaphors we use to express our thoughts. If we don't, our good intentions may be undermined by the language we use to state them.

The Issue of Inclusion

At this point in time, few people will fail to notice the inappropriate use of "mankind" when what is really meant is "humankind"-both women and men. Most of the old "male-generic" nouns - which supposedly included women but in fact rarely did-have been replaced by neutral descriptors: "people," "firefighters," "mail carriers," "salesfolk," "committee chair," "crew working," and so on.

The Problem of Pronouns

Most people are now aware of alternatives such as "s/he," "she or he" (used equally with "he or she"), and the singular "they/them/their" which is gradually reclaiming grammatical legitimacy as a non-sexist alternative to gendered pronouns. Direct address ("you/your") and the inclusive "we/our" are also useful in many situations.

The Colors of Racism

It's important to examine language that implies something evil about "darkness" or "blackness." Even when used without conscious racist intent, such terms as "black-hearted villain" or "deep dark secret," contrasted with "white knight" or "innocent white lie," contribute to the fear and demonization of dark-skinned people. It's important to consider that in many ancient cultures, black was celebrated as the color of the rich fertile earth, while the white color of bones was associated with death.

The Healing Metaphor

Sexism, racism, and other forms of inequality and oppression stem from conflict, with the winners dominating the losers. People are divided into groups labeled "us" and "other." A major goal of partnership is moving from this "either/or" thinking to "both/and" conflict-resolution.

Yet many of our everyday expressions perpetuate the dualism of "either/or."  These include metaphors of combat and warfare, which in addition to asserting that one side must win and the other lose, also imply that violence is an acceptable way of dealing with challenges. When politicians launch a "war against crime" they are merely attempting to dominate criminals by using their own tools against them. What a different image is conjured by speaking of "healing addictions" rather than "fighting drugs"! Instead of  "fighting" and "defeating" and "winning" we might attempt "healing" social ills, "negotiating with" our opponents, or "resolving" our problems. Rather than using language of mastery, control, domination, opposition, or violent competition, we could use metaphors of birth, growth, creation, harmony, construction, transformation, journeying, healing, helping, loving, nurturing, cooperation and connection---all of which implant much healthier images in the unconscious mind.